I had threatened to leave my ex-husband when our son was just a few months old.
I was already very dismayed by the game of golf. The infatuation was growing and the game was taking on a new role in his life. Everything he did, he did so that he would have more time to play golf and then he would always say that it was never interfering with family time.
He owned and operated an auto detailing business and he eventually found employees to work the business for him. He would leave for the day and play golf while his workers stayed and worked.
I threatened to leave and take our children with me because of this event I am writing of next.
He had planned a golf overnighter with a buddy of his that took him three hours away from home.
First understand that golf is always a preplanned event and usually is not something that is ever cancelled. Second, and this became a joke that wasn’t so funny after a while, it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So he has a golf trip planned that is in fact a “once in a lifetime opportunity.” In the morning, before he leaves, our daughter wakes up not feeling well and has a fever so I can not take her to day care.
Because I am so easy going I say that I will cancel all my appointments at the salon and see if they want to come to the house.
This, mind you, I have wanted to stop working and my husband keeps telling me no, that it isn’t time yet for me to quit.
So I Have clients come to the house that day.
After the day is done and my children are in bed sleeping I became extremely mad and angry. I couldn’t believe what I had allowed to happen. I began to write a letter to my husband. I wrote down many things and then I pieced it all together.
When my husband returned from his “once in a lifetime opportunity” I was waiting for him with the letter. I handed it to him as he walked in the door and I asked him to read it and when he was done he had some thinking to do because I was very serious. I told him things had to change.
Honestly, I’m really not sure how things really changed or if they did.
I had told him in the letter that I could not believe how completely convenient I had made his life for him.
I was never the wife who told him he could or could not do something. I let him go, do and be. He was very blessed because all I ever heard from his friends was “I wish my wife was like you.”
Four years later we moved to Arizona. To a golf resort. We built custom spec home for a living and we were very successful. We had purchased two lots sight unseen in Arizona and we finally sold out of Colorado and made the move. I was excited because I wanted warm weather.
Things went pretty good although before our first year was up I flipped a gasket one night. I actually threw something at him. I do not recall what I threw. I had never done anything like that before. I was enraged. Definitely something I don’t enjoy remembering. There I am completely enraged and he LAUGHS at me.
That hurt. As I look back on it and writing about it now. He just didn’t care. He was going to do whatever he wanted anyway. The pattern was already set in place. He could go, do and be.
I obviously just lived with it. I just played along like I had the perfect husband and the perfect marriage. And to tell you the truth, I don’t think I played as in pretended, it’s just the way it was.
He still to this day says “you shouldn’t have let us move to a golf community resort then.” “You knew where we were going.”
Yes, that’s all fine and true. We were moving here to make a living building custom spec homes. So once again while he was out playing golf. “I’m doing business.” “Tell people when they call that I’m in my office.” And, I did. And when my husband called so I could send faxes, look up papers etc… I was the mom, the wife, the business worker and then I was expected to go “out” and I did all those things. We had babysitters constantly. I played along. This isn’t the family life I wanted. This was so out of control.
We had it made. We had a great marriage, two beautiful children, a great place to live, and money. We didn’t have to worry about anything.
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