body image

i went to kickboxing class, we exercise in front of a wall of full length mirrors. tona always encourages us to use the mirror to check our form, most of the time i am watching her and trying to keep up. this time i looked in the mirror and i didn’t like what i saw at all. tired, over weight and pale. i have the lower tummy bulge and the spare tire going on. i think it’s more than just fifteen pounds, i could stand to lose twenty easily. it’s discouraging. my posture is so poor. i always look down when i walk and i slump over, my shoulders roll forward. looking at myself in the mirror after adjusting my posture, what a difference it makes. it’s something i am going to have to work on. in the meantime, getting more rest needs to be made a priority. i tend to cheat myself on sleep and i have been taking naps in the evening when i get home from work. a pattern that definitely needs to be altered. i will be leaving on vacation in a matter of days. i have two weeks to rest, relax, enjoy the company of some of my friends, re-group and just restore my soul. i may not want to come back!

back in june i bought a pair of weight lifting gloves. i left them in the car but never remembered to take them into class with me. they never made it past the parking lot. last thursday night we had a few minutes before class started so i went back out to get them. i don’t know why, but what a difference it made in my workout. it was fun and i felt strong, i kicked some serious butt! i need to work on my form, specifically my kicks. i plan to leave my kb punching bag up this winter on the back porch so when the temps are mild i can go outside and play. i also want to continue working on jogging. that’s a bit harder to do in the snow, just sayin’. i have one more workout with leslie scheduled before i leave and i have one more scheduled after i get back. i should have two more sessions after that which will get me through october and then i am going to go to once a month check-ins with her. i have a variety of workouts to choose from  to keep things from getting stale, some of which i can do at home when i am just sitting around watching t.v. i have all the tools i need to succeed now it’s just a matter of doing it.

it’s funny how quickly your body image can change. i was talking to lelsie about weight loss and she said she thinks i look like i have lost weight since we started working out together. the next day working out in front of the mirror all i can see are fat rolls.  in fact i am more conscious of my weight now than i was when i started this thirty pounds ago. i knew i was over weight, but i never thought i looked that bad. now i look at myself and think i look terrible. it goes back to what i was saying about the girl in the bikini on every cover of fitness magazine, it’s an impossible airbrushed standard that women are pressured into trying to achieve. i need to focus more on myself and what makes me happy. set my own standards and work to get there. do i want michelle obama’s arms? damn straight i do. do i want a flat belly?  yes, more than that i want sculpted abs. once i get back from vacation i am going to start spending more time at the gym, and less time in front of the t.v. i’ll be starting back to school in january so who knows how much time i will have for working out then? plus it wouldn’t hurt to do a few extra crunches with christmas less than three months away.

once i finally break the 160’s i am going shopping. i am treating myself to one new workout outfit, once i reach my goal weight i’ll treat myself to one more. then maybe take off another five pounds, we’ll see. think i can do it by the end of the year?